Not long ago I was convicted of “Possession of a ‘Class A’ drug with the intent to supply” and “Possession of a deadly ammunition”.  I had plead guilty to both accounts, resulting in a custodial sentence.

“Instead of confronting my emotions I did what I’d always done; I pushed them to the back of my mind and latched onto the same circles I had in the past.”

Prior to this, life had been a constant loop of struggles and setbacks. When my situation first evolved, I was going through divorce and separation from my partner.  Things got increasingly toxic and hostile. Like many from similar backgrounds, instead of confronting my emotions I did what I’d always done; I pushed them to the back of my mind and latched onto the same circles I had in the past, drinking alcohol, taking recreational drugs and committing petty crime.  Back then I truly believed that the people I surrounded myself with were my friends and wanted the best for me. I was later sentenced and sent to prison.  

My time in prison gave me the opportunity to reflect on what I wanted from my life and who I was without the negative influences around me. Looking for new things to take interest in, I started reading. Computer programming and cyber security caught my eye and I read a lot of books on those topics. I didn’t pay much attention to how long was left of my sentence. I’d just found something I really enjoyed and put my mind into studying. 

“This time I was determined to try a different approach.”

On release I had my first probation meeting. I could have done the normal thing – turn up and just agree with whatever they say, just to get them off my back – but this time I was determined to try a different approach. I started engaging with them; not with the intention of getting to the end of the appointment, but to see whether I could turn things around with their help. I was sceptical but I noticed that, the more I engaged sincerely with them, the more sincere their response.  So I talked to my probation worker about my newfound passion and she arranged a meeting with Achieve Northwest Connect. Of course I was sceptical about anything related to “the system” because I’d had bad experiences before and didn’t want to get my hopes up, only to be met with dissapointment.

My key worker, Jason, seemed like a really nice, genuine individual. I opened up to him about what I wanted to do and to show him I was ready to commit 100%, if given the chance. He listened to me and throughout our appointments we had discussions about many routes including education. We found a college course that would open the door to computer programming and cyber security and we both decided it was a great idea. 

Jason helped me through the application process and with issues like my CV.  He helped me understand the best way to disclose my offences and worked with me to create a criminal offence disclosure document, to help me in situations where my record may come up. 

“My key worker was sincerely committed to his job and to helping people who found themselves in set circumstances.”

As well as the educational support, I came to realise my key worker, Jason was sincerely committed to his job and to helping people who found themselves in set circumstances.  During our appointments, we would talk about life in general and our plans for the future. I’ve come to the conclusion that the success of our sessions was down to two major factors.  The first was having someone willing to go that extra mile to support me and help me progress.  The second was in me being genuine, meeting Jason in the middle and both of us following through on what was asked of us. 

Jason never looked down on me or judged me about my situation.  He only ever offered support to help me achieve my goals – and I respect that highly.  In the past, I’d given so much time to people who didn’t want what was good for me (only what was good for them).  How could I be sceptical about somebody whose only goal was what benefited me?  It reminds me of a quote I once read “Look at a man the way that he is, he only becomes worse. But look at him as if he were what he could be, then he becomes what he should be.” (Goethe)

“I find I’m much happier and in a far better position to progress and reach my full potential, both for myself and the people I love in my life.”

My advice to anyone engaging with probation and Achieve Northwest (or any organisation offering support) would be this:  Turn up with an open mindset.  What do you have to lose? What you may not realise is that the very thing you think is holding you back could actually be turned into a positive recovery. 

You’ll find that, in your journey to achieving what you want, you may not get the intended result every time.  You might apply for a job and they can’t offer you the job, but I guarantee they’ll respect what you’re doing.  They’ll see where you have come from and where you are now.  They will see the improvement and they will respect you for it; that is guaranteed.

Today, I’m completely drug free and have been since November 2018. I find I’m much happier and in a far better position to progress and reach my full potential, both for myself and the people I love in my life. 

I hope my story helps anybody reading this and if you’re suffering, I hope you find the strength and peace in your recovery to reach a better position for yourself and a place where you can find happiness…

“Minor setback, major come back.”